you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
