Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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