I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
