Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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