why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
