did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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