i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
