And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
