hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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