Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
