He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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