Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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