the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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