I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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