the condom got lost in my hair
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
