I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
