Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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