Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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