I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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