Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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