i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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