NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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