seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
