apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
