Well apparently he's into motor boating.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
