By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
