someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
