Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
