If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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