It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
