Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
