a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish you could order shots online.
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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