i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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