I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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