If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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