Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish you could order shots online.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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