I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
