where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
