"it" just moved
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
