NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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