PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
