Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
