i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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