Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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