woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
