Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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