I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
