i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found the puke drawer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
