Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize