And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
