I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
