got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
