If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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