you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
