You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
