i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh god it's open bar.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
