Define "chronic" masturbator.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
