I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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