if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
