my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
