Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if only i could text you this smell
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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