I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
