No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
