I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He better not be in your backpack
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
