dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
