Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
