the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
