I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
