so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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