is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The uberlube is also flammable
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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