i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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