saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just pee around me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
