I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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