i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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