Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
