He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
