I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
