Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I love you. Go after that dick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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