i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
