y did u give ur computer a hand job?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
