Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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