I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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