apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The feeling are messing with the penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
