I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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