Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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