I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
