The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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