The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
