Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
