I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
