didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
