Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Help. Why am I so naked?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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