so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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