Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
