This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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