no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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