there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
