Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
