Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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