I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
