I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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