Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How does it feel to date your dad?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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